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Several days later I’m still reeling from the Hilo performance of “The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later,” trying to hash out the right words to express my thoughts and feelings in a commentary.
On Monday night, University of Hawaii-Hilo was among 150 theaters across the globe that featured the epilogue to the off-Broadway play that tells the real-life story of gay University of Wyoming student Matthew Shepard’s beating death in October 1998. I am that “Tiffany Edwards” who is depicted in The Laramie Project. For the last 10 years, I’ve had high school and college students across the country either call or email me to ask what I am like, because they are playing my character. Every time I get one of those phone calls or an emails, I head down memory lane and transport myself back to Laramie in 1998.
Sitting in near-packed UH-Hilo theater Monday night, I again transported back in time, and I got one of those mean frontal lobe headaches as my mind played back that time in my life when I was a rookie reporter for the Laramie Daily Boomerang, then a cops and courts reporter for Wyoming’s statewide newspaer, the Casper Star-Tribune. ”Why does this story continue to re-surface in my life?” I kept thinking to myself throughout the play, hours preceding it and hours afterward.
Frankly, several days later, as I try to process all the emotions that have surfaced from watching The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later, I’m still trying to figure out the answer to that question.
If you’re looking for a review of the play, you should probably check out San Francisco Chronicle Theater Critic Robert Hurwitt. With my personal connection to the story, this commentary is less a review than it is my way of writing for the sake of writing to process and try to figure out the deeper meaning of things. Forgive any typos found in this stream of consciousness.
I want to personally thank Ken Elliott of Gasp Theatre Company, based in Puna, for getting the rights to perform The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later. It was truly significant for Hilo to host the one and only performance in the state.
Correct me if I’m wrong, because I would really like to be wrong on this, I did not see one elected official in that theatre Monday night. Not one Hawaii County council member. Not one state representative or senator. How disappointing, considering the play was the only performance in the state and it was littered with all sorts of political implications for the gay rights movement, hate crimes, and tolerance of diversity in general.
I think all the actors did an outstanding job, really. I was particularly interested in the actors’ performances, since they were portraying people I knew while living in Laramie. Not only was I a reporter for the Laramie Daily Boomerang, the University of Wyoming is my alma mater. I am familiar with those most of those portrayed — the Laramie police officer, Albany County sheriff’s deputies, university professors, Laramie newspaper editor Deb Thomsen. I became incensed, as the actor read Deb’s editorial published on the tenth anniversary of Matthew’s death, saying something to the effect of “Laramie is a community, not a project,” casting doubt that Matthew’s was a hate crime. Come on, Deb, accept that your hometown has this black eye and use your position as editor to remind residents of the need to work for social justice.
Seeing perpetrators Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson portrayed, I recalled sitting in the Albany County courtroom, studying their every gesture and facial expression to be able to include my observations in a news story. Actor Mark Lewis, who happens to be from Wyoming, mimicked Aaron McKinney exactly. It was so uncanny that it was unsettling.
Just seeing McKinney portrayed triggered a flood of details about the case that I hadn’t thought about in years, like the time I went to his apartment looking for his then-girlfriend Kristen Price to interview her. Now I found myself wondering about McKinney’s son, who was a baby then. Where is he living now? Who is raising him? What is Kristen like now that she is, let’s see, 18 + 11 is 29, the girl is 29 now. These are people I ordinarily wouldn’t want to think about again, and I’m wondering about their whereabouts.
Most of the characters depicted triggered flashbacks about my life in Laramie more than a decade ago: Reggie Fluty, the sheriff’s deputy who found a beaten Matthew Shepard tied to the fence on the prairie, I knew her years before I went to work for the Laramie Daily Boomerang. Reggie used to regularly have coffee with her husband at the Village Inn in Laramie, and, as a college student, I was a server there. I worked with Reggie’s mom, Marge Murray, who was the Village Inn hostess, and who is portrayed in both The Laramie Project and its epilogue as the quintessential wise woman who helps bring us back to center when we find ourselves overcome by the play’s emotion. She had that effect on me while working alongside her as a young college student. An unfortunate was the circumstance, it was fascinating to see her persona acted out by a stranger thousands of miles away.
And Romaine Patterson, the portrayed friend of Matthew Shepard who ultimately went to work as a gay, lesbian and transsexual activist, well, I used to work for her sister, Trish. Trish Steger owned a metaphysical bookstore and dress shop called The Jaded Lair on First Street in Laramie. Trish’s husband, Ron, used to be a theatre professor at the university. It was through the Stegers that I met members of the Tectonic Theater Project when they first came to Laramie years back.
And Matt Mickelson, the owner of the Fireside Bar, where Matthew Shepard met his killers, I knew him, having patronized his bar. It was one of the only bars in town where we could go listen to live music on a Friday night. Like Laramie’s other bars, the Fireside was a place where the townies and the university folk mix. Yep, Laramie, like many college towns, has the Town And Gown complex. The Matthew Shepard murder is example of the worst possible scenario when towns and scholars interact. Matthew’s was a hate crime, absolutely, despite the 20/20 piece several years after the murder trying to claim it was a robbery gone bad. Elizabeth Vargas, who I so naively thought was a journalist to look up to, hosted that 20/20 piece. Knowing what I know about the murder, I was disturbed to be reminded that even my once-role-model Elizabeth Vargas tried to negate the fact that it was a hate crime.
Needless to say, on Monday night, I sat through two plays: the one on stage and the one in my mind revisiting my coverage of the Matthew Shepard murder and my past life in Laramie. Matthew’s was the second murder I covered as a reporter. The first murder I reported on was that of 8-year-old Kristin Lamb, who a neighbor of her grandparents raped and killed before stuffing her body in a duffle bag and disposing it. She went missing four days after I took the job as general assignment reporter for the Laramie Daily Boomerang. I look back at myself then. I was so naive and so idealistic about journalism. No textbook had prepared me for the emotional roller coaster reporting on that little girl’s murder.
Then the Matthew Shepard murder occurred three months later, and my emotions were rocked once again. When I first heard news of Matthew’s beating, it was over the scanner in the newsroom. It was all scrambled, but I made out some words here and there before authorities switched to cell phones to communicate. I thought for sure the story was going to be about a university hazing. During my dinner break, I drove out to the area where authorities said they were, but I couldn’t find the exact location of the crime scene that night. I learned the next morning it was at the base of Cactus Canyon mountain bike trail.
At the next day’s press conference, the sheriff gave us the details: 21-year-old Matthew Shepard was found comatose, tied to a split-rail fence at the base of a mountain bike trail. Was this a hate crime? I asked the sheriff. He said authorities believed it was. That night in the newsroom a Denver Post reporter called. She wanted to know what the sheriff had said at the press conference. I was so naive, textbooks hadn’t prepared me for the emerging practice of my profession: journalists quoting journalists. I gave as many details as I could, trying to be helpful. The next morning, there I was quoted in the Denver Post, saying authorities believed Matthew Shepard’s attack was a hate crime.
I just could go on and on telling you every twist and turn of that story, there are so many details — one by one they march back into the forefront of my mind, having been triggered by Monday night’s play. Within a couple of days of his beating, a whole flock of news vans converged upon Laramie. Writers for Vanity Fair, Newsweek, Time, Harper’s Weekly, and MSNBC sought me out at the Boomerang, trying to get leads for their stories. A couple of those writers ultimately quoted me, teaching me a harsh lesson about the need to clarify what is on the record and what is not, what is being a friend and what is not.
Truthfully, coverage of Matthew’s murder had a profoundly negative effect on my personal life. The emotion of Matthew’s horrific murder triggered unsettled grief over the loss of my mother a few years earlier. All that stressed my relationship and led to a devastating breakup with my college sweetheart. My love life went down the tubes, but my professional life soared. As macabre as it is, I credit the Matthew Shepard murder story for the fact that I landed a job as a cops and courts reporter at Casper Star-Tribune, Wyoming’s statewide newspaper. From there, I came to this island. And, now, here, 11 years after Matthew’s murder, I am reminded of the fact that no matter where you go, there you are.
A hate crime happened in Laramie, just as easily as it could happen here. It has happened here. There have been hate crimes that have been racially motivated, and there have been hate crimes as a result of one’s sexual orientation. Need I remind you of Diana Holmes, the transsexual who was attacked with a machete and whose attacker has never been identified?
In my own life, Matthew Shepard reminds me, not just to tolerate, to accept diversity. We get so caught up in dualistic thinking, You’re bad, I’m good. You’re white, I’m black. You’re Republican, I’m Democrat. You’re in, I’m out. You’re straight, I’m gay. I urge you to see the little good it does to draw a line in the sand like that. The truth is, we really aren’t one or the other of any of those things, but a combination of all of the above. Rather than look for differences, find the commonality. You may be Republican, but you have democratic tendencies. You might be straight, but you have homosexual tendencies. Gasp! Imagine that. You are a complex human being with a myriad of truths that no mere mortal could judge. Embrace the diversity, in yourself and those around you. Thank you, Matthew Shepard, The Tectonic Theater Project, Gasp Theatre Company, and the cast and crew of The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later, here and elsewhere, for the reminder for us all to practice acceptance and have compassion for each other. Rest in peace, Matt.
October 16th, 2009 at 4:57 am
What a beautifully written response to the play and Matthew’s ultimate sacrifice. Thank you.
October 16th, 2009 at 8:22 am
As one who covered and sort of lived the Benny Madama underwold rub out in Hilo and the Dana Ireland rape and murder in Puna, I know how telling working the news of these events can be on your own life.
Your recall is important to understannding the impact of such a hate murder not not only the victim and his family but an entire community.
You have helped me understand the emotions and impacts on Laramie I would never have known otherwise since I followed the crime and trial superficialy through the news sevices. I have spent only a day (in Freedom watching cutter races down the main street) and a cold night on the floor of an apartment in Jackson Hole because hotels were sold out. I recall it as cold and rural and mostly white.
Nonetheless, I do know Benny, Dana and Matthew could be living today.
October 16th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Thank you Tiffany.
It was such a profound honor to be on that stage Monday night.
October 16th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Tiffany – thank you so much for joining us on stage and helping us portray this message for the Hilo community on October 12, 2009. I am so grateful you shared more of your story – it benefits us all. Aloha
October 16th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Tiffany, thank you. What an amazing story you have shared with us.
Being a part of “The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later” moved my soul. I am changed.
October 16th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Wow, thanks for writing this. I saw The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later in Providence, presented by a group of Brown University MFA students. It was very compelling. I was so frustrated at the attitude of Laramie residents who question the need to bring up Matthew’s murder every year. You’re right, hate crimes happen everywhere. That’s why we need to keep talking about them.
October 17th, 2009 at 8:03 am
MY brother now deceased was Gay he didn’t have a choice. It was who he was. In a tough Irish neighborhood you either got tougher or were beaten to death. He got tougher. So tough he live through being stabbed 7 times completely through his abdomen and thorax. He suffered 14 other defensive wounds in that attack. His answer was to forgive the man and help him at the Perkins Menatal Institute in Jessup Maryland. He died 6 years later from clots related to that attack. He was here in Hawaii when he died.
He never understood why he was born Gay and sort of considered it his cross to bear. Any one who can forgive his attacker is more Christ like than I’ll ever be. People wer suprised when Kalapana had hate crimes and I was concerned. Everyone has a right to live a peaceful life and everyopne has a Gay relative.
Do some Gays develop attitudes? Yes just like any other oppressed group. Things have changed since the 60′s when rolling fags was a sport in most cities. Don’t ask don’t tell killed more innocent service members then any other action the government has taken, It aslso resulted in a huge number of unfair discharges.
Your Sex life is like your toothbrush . You don’t share it with just anyone. I had two young Marines come to me when this policy came out. One of each sex. I told them I didn’t want to know, stay quiet and watch what happens(street smarts). They did and a rash of murders took place. One of these Marines later thanked mr but was discharged later as unable to be promoted. A fair consequence. The other finished his hitch and is now a very successful banker. We played golf in Dallas and he thanked me for my advice. To be honest if my brother hadn’t been Gay I probably would nebver have had any empathy.
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:44 am
I too am attempting to portray you. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thank you.
December 15th, 2011 at 11:48 am
Hi:
I want to remain anonymous & not give my current email so as to avoid harassing emails. I would appreciate if Tiffany Edwards Hunt would publish my post because there are some things about MW Shepard which get minor attention-not the murder case. Does Tiffany Edwards Hunt see anything wrong with the late Matthew W. Shepard making a false homosexual gang rape accusation against a Cody Wyoming bartender 2 months before he was killed?
If you don’t know what had happened on that day is MW Shepard (who was drunk) 1st proposed to a bartender who told him no. But rather than end it, MW Shepard proposed repeatedly grabbed the bartender’s arm & jacket against will (assault&battery) by making comments like ‘you’re afraid of what I can do to you’ after which the bartender hit him twice temporarily k/o him. Bartender took MW Shepard back to the hotel where he was staying with family.
The next day, MW Shepard reported to police that he had been homosexually raped by 3. Medical tests came back negative as nothing had happened. Cops interviewed the bartender, a waitress who saw what had happened & they concluded the bartender had self-defended. The cops should have arrested MW Shepard for assault&battery + falsely reporting a crime & kept him in a Cody jail awaiting trial. There was enough proof for a jury to convict MW Shepard of this.
Yes, his Oct. 1998 killing is another matter, but any1 who sees nothing wrong with MW Shepard making up that story has something wrong with them. Even Judy Shepard admits her son did this. Her excuse has been that what happened in the Cody case is unclear, that her son was drunk, had PTSD & that once the medical tests came back negative, he ‘dropped’ the charge-when it’s the authorities who decide whether to prosecute a case. IMO, the Cody police should’ve arrested MW Shepard even if the bartender didn’t want him prosecuted. MW Shepard in Oct. 1998 should not have been in Laramie, he should’ve been in a Cody jail.
December 15th, 2011 at 11:56 am
Something more & it brings up what Tiffany Edwards Hunt put in this post. They must abolish sex changes-mutilating a man or some cases woman to make them artificial members of opposite sex. Another thing deals with ‘gay bashings’. Almost all the violence against gays & lesbians are domestic violence incl. murders. The 1998 MW Shepard case was national news because it’s odd & strange. Why MW Shepard was killed only he & his killers know & as I said in last post, MW Shepard should’ve been in a Cody jail in Oct. 1998.
March 1st, 2012 at 5:47 pm
Beautiful!!! Mahalo nui Tiffany!!
May 4th, 2012 at 1:27 am
Hi, it’s funinsnow. Here’s a new idea regarding METHEW W. Shepard. If homo/lesbian groups want to bring the Laramie Project to schools, then do not censor them, but tell the facts about who METHEW Wayne Shepard was. Tell the fact that Methew W. Shepard was an Ecstasy user, a drunkard & use the slogan drugsaregay. Homo/lesbian activities are comparable to drug junkyism with surgical maimings being worse. Don’t censor Laramie Project, but tell the truth about Methew Shepard even if Tiffany Edwards Hunt & Jason Marsden dislike it.
May 4th, 2012 at 6:34 am
Wow, another person intent to victimize a victim more than 13 years after his death. Evil stuff.
I am allowing this comment because I want you to tell me how it is you know for a fact that Matthew Shepard was a drug user… Did you sell him drugs or do drugs with him? Were you at Blinddog the night he died?
It is difficult to tell the truth about something the living are ashamed to admit. If you can’t tell me you witnessed any of this supposed drug use firsthand, then it is hearsay or even a bald-faced lie, and it is not the truth.
So, I may dislike what you have today but I am allowing it for the off chance you actually know something about the case, based on your own experience with drugs. If you can’t admit that, your statement above will be reconsidered as libelous.
Tell us, Francisco Madrid, were you in Laramie, Wyoming in October 1998…or, are you a malevolent like funinsnow? By the way, funinsnow got banned from this website, so it will just be me who talks with you until I get a feel for where you’re going with this…