This Morning’s Criminal Genius

Ed. Note: I don’t normally post the Police Department’s press releases about individual burglaries. But this one has entertainment value for its sheer stupidity. When I first read it, the spontaneous image of Bugs Bunny popped into my head, exclaiming, “What a maroon!” We’re glad the victim’s safe; for her, no doubt, the experience was not funny at all. And we’re glad he wasn’t in the shower when she got home.

Immediate questions that come to mind:
1. With all that marijuana, why did he pull a burg, anyway? Why didn’t he just sell a plant or two?
2. Why did the police charge him with commercial possession first?
3. If he’s convicted, which will he do more time for: breaking into his neighbor’s house, terrifying her and stealing her personal possessions, or having 112 pot plants?
4. What sort of parents name their son “Jeb Stewart Thurlby”?
–Alan McNarie

Ocean View, HI.: The discovery of an intruder in a neighbor’s house has led to his arrest for the break-in and for commercial promotion of marijuana.

Ka`u Patrol officers responded to a 2:51 p.m. report Saturday (September 20) at a home on Lehua Lane near Coral Parkway. A 42-year-old woman reported that when she arrived home she found a man in her house whom she recognized as someone who lived in the area. The intruder fled over a fence, causing damage to the fence.

Police found items belonging to the victim piled inside the house next to the front door. They determined that the intruder had taken a shower in the victim’s house and consumed alcohol belonging to the victim. They also determined that the intruder had entered the victim’s car parked in the garage and stolen the car keys.

At 4:40 p.m., officers located the suspect, 49-year-old Jeb Stewart Thurlby, and arrested him on his nearby property. Arresting officers observed marijuana plants growing on the property. Thurlby was taken to the Kona police cellblock while detectives from the Area II Criminal Investigations Section and Vice Section continued the investigation.

Vice officers served a search warrant on Thurlby’s property Sunday (September 21) and recovered 112 marijuana plants ranging in height from seedlings to 4-feet tall.

Sunday afternoon (September 21), Thurlby was charged with commercial promotion of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. His bail was set at $20,000. He was held at the cellblock until his initial court appearance on the drug charges Monday (September 22).

Monday morning, Thurlby was charged with the additional offenses of burglary, unauthorized entry of a motor vehicle and criminal property damage. His bail on those offenses was set at $7,250. After his court hearing on the drug charges, he was returned to the cellblock until his initial court appearance Tuesday (September 23) for the burglary related offenses.

6 replies
  1. nosake
    nosake says:

    Any comparison to Roger Christie must irritate the law. They really blew it with him. They started digging a hole and just kept digging despite the outcry from the public.

  2. Handyman
    Handyman says:

    Aloha Alan McNarie,

    I read the article and also found the humor.

    The fact that “Jeb” felt so confident he had enough burglary time to take a shower, arrange stolen items at the door for a quick and orderly get-a-way, then proceed to consume the victims alcohol while probably patting himself on the back for committing a perfect burglary and taking in the moment,…..only to realize that the owner had arrived home, which immediately popped his party balloon.

    So he now skedaddles home, certain that at least he got away with a shower and some alcohol. So he pays no mind to the marijuana he has growing on his property. It doesn’t even occur to him to heed to caution and to perhaps relocate all of his plants.

    Suddenly, knock.knock,knock and upon opening his door and seeing police officers, Pop!, there went the second ballon.

    He is now sitting in jail replaying in his mind, the events of which got him where he is, over and over and over and over…… mentally kicking himself in the butt.

    Now that’s good material for a “Reality Show”. “Americas Most Dumbest Crimes”.


  3. Alan McNarie
    Alan McNarie says:

    Ed. Note: I just corrected this article, after the HPD Web site corrected the amount of Mr. Thurlby’s bail: it was $20,000, not $20.00. Based on the original press release, I’d originally asked, “Given what happened in the Roger Christie case, why was bail on the marijuana charge only $20?” –AM

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